How I came to be Orthodox

I originally grew up in a Protestant household. My dad was raised as a Roman Catholic and my mom was raised Protestant. When they got married, they attended Protestant churches of various kinds until they divorced when I was young. My dad stopped going to church altogether, but my mom started going to the local Presbyterian church after dating my soon to be stepdad. After attending the Presbyterian Church for a number of my formative years (Junior high through High School), my mom and stepdad stopped going about midway through my senior year in High School. I kept going until after I graduated, though less and less. The head pastor retired, the associate pastor moved away, and many of the leaders with whom I was close moved away too. I felt more and more alone, and I also felt that I was getting less and less from worship there.

During this time, I met my wife. She and I started dating about two months before we graduated high school, although we had known each other since 7th grade. After months of dating, we decided that we wanted to start going to church together, since we were getting more serious in our relationship. I went to her Roman Catholic church, and the first thing I said was, "This is not church!" Then she went to my Presbyterian church and the first thing she said was, "This is not church!" So we were at an impasse for a bit. That was, until my mom told us about a traditional Anglican church that was both Catholic and Protestant.

It seemed from the outset that it was a perfect combination of what we were looking for. It satisfied both our needs, while challenging both of us to grow in our relationships and beliefs. The short version of what happened next is this: we both were confirmed in the Anglican Church (our jurisdiction was not in communion with the Anglican Church or the Episcopal Church), then married there, and a few months later, we moved to Berkeley so I could attend seminary and explore the possibility of becoming an Anglican priest.

After two years of study in Berkeley, we moved to Tulsa, Oklahoma to serve the parish which had supported us financially during my studies. At this point I was already a deacon. After about two more years of serving under the Bishop of the Diocese of the Southwestern States, I was ordained a priest and served in that parish and diocese for four more years. My wife and I finished our secular educations while we worked full time. I got a BS in Education and Spanish and my wife received her BS in Education and English. It was about this time, after we graduated from Oklahoma State University, that I began to consider seriously why we as Anglicans were not in communion with the Eastern Orthodox church.

For those who are unfamiliar with the Anglican Church, a little background is necessary... You see, Anglicans (at least traditional Anglicans) believe that they are part of the One, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic Church. They believe that the Roman Catholic Church and the Eastern Orthodox Church are also part of this One Church. As a Protestant, I always believed in this branch theory of the Church--that outwardly, although we may be divided and out of communion with each other, inwardly and spiritually, we were one in Christ. This is what many, if not all, Protestant churches teach.

I was convinced that these three--Anglican, Orthodox, and Catholic--were the only churches that had enough in common to perhaps reunite one day. Many Anglicans hold this position still. However, theologically speaking, Anglicans and Orthodox had more in common with each other than the Orthodox and Roman Catholics. (ex: both Anglicans and Orthodox dispute Rome's assertion of the Immaculate Conception, Papal Infallibility, Purgatory, Papal Supremacy, the Real Presence, and other teachings) It was my desire, my belief that we as Anglicans could bridge the gap between the Eastern Church (Orthodoxy) and the Western Church (Roman Catholicism). I knew that I, in and of myself could do little to nothing. However, what I did know was that I had to at least stretch out my hand in love and fellowship with an Orthodox priest or community in hopes to build a foundation of love towards that goal of unity.

That is where the trouble began!

Many years earlier, while doing research on one of our revered Bishops, Archbishop Grafton of Fon du Lac, Wisconsin, I found out that he was good friends with one Bishop Tikhon of Moscow. He and Bishop Tikhon were so close, in fact, that they invited one another to their respective services. At this time in history (1900's), it must be noted that the Episcopal Church in the USA was nothing like it is today. It was more sacramental, had not abandoned the teachings of the Fathers, and still adhered to the Scriptures. Because Orthodox Churches were so small and struggling at this time in the United States, oftentimes Orthodox bishops would encourage their Orthodox faithful to attend an Episcopal church if there was not a local Orthodox church they could go to. Getting back to the story, Bishop Grafton invited Bishop Tikhon to participate in an ordination ceremony in Fon du Lac. This was an extraordinary opportunity. Bishop Tikhon accepted the invitation and was planning on attending--that was until he became seriously ill the day before and could not make it to the ordination.

Nonetheless, this wonderful exchange of mutual love and kindness paved the way for what became known as the "Western Rite." The WR was basically the liturgy of the Episcopal Church corrected of its Western heresies: the filioque clause, a strengthened epiclesis in the Words of Institution, and naturally, praying for the local Orthodox Bishops, praying for those gone to rest in the Lord, and asking the prayers of the saints. For high church Anglicans, none of these would really change the way they practiced the Liturgy or offered the Mass. It was as if the Liturgy that came from England were purged from its Romish influences and grafted back into the fullness of Communion with the Church.

The more I looked into the WR, the more I became interested in it. I asked questions about the WR from my Anglican bishop, who wrote it off as schismatic at best. But, this did not deter me, as I knew in my heart that he was wrong. As I studied, I did find out that not all Orthodox are as willing as Bishop Tikhon and the Antiochian Orthodox Church to adopt a WR Liturgy. Regardless, I was intrigued that the liturgy that I offered (or one very similar to it) was acceptable in some Orthodox Churches.

I eventually got up the nerve to start up a conversation with a WR group online who was associated with ROCOR (the Russian Orthodox Church Outside of Russia). I told them who I was, and what my intentions were. I did not want any pretensions--just earnest dialogue and love in Christ.

Well, that is exactly what I got! As the dialogue became more and more pointed, I remember posting one reply in which I told this priest, "Until you Orthodox get off your high horse and quit calling yourselves THE TRUE CHURCH, no real progress in unity can occur. You are part of the church just like Anglicans and Roman Catholics" Heh. Man I was ignorant and prideful! Well, his reply was what I like to remember as a "virtual cyber-slap." His words were: "You are not part of the church. You are not the church. You are not a church." It was as if he had hit me in the face! I was so mad that I showed my wife his response and was hopping around the room yelling, "Can you believe the nerve of this guy?!" Well, after I calmed down, I thought, well, if there is going to be any continuing of this, I need to find out why he believes this. After all, Anglicans still are the closer to Orthodox than Roman Catholics.

And that is what really pushed me down the slippery slope. As I studied, I came to find out that what I had believed and taken for granted my entire life was wrong. I had been taught, like all Protestants (traditional Anglicans included), that the Church is one Spiritually, but outwardly we may be divided. This teaching, however, is solely the product of the Reformation. I came to find out that for the first fifteen hundred years of Christianity, the Church taught, lived, and prayed as ONE--outwardly and inwardly. The church Fathers never taught that the church was outwardly divided but inwardly one, neither did the Bible. Either you are in communion with the Church, or you are not. Either you are part of Israel, or you are not. It is that simple. Now, what God does with those who are outside of that community is not for us to say--He is the Judge, not us. However, we can say that this is where the Church is. We cannot say more than that.

I found out that this idea was called the Branch theory, and that it was never part of the teachings of the Church, that is, until the Reformers needed an excuse to change things so they could do it their way. Even when the Great Schism occurred--each side claimed to be The Church--not "part of" the Church. For me, this discovery threw me for a loop. I knew that we were not in communion with the Roman Catholics... or the Eastern Orthodox... or even other Anglican churches... We claimed to be catholic (little "c"), but in practice, when it came right down to it, we were just as Protestant as Billy Graham, Benny Hinn, and the rest. So what if we had all the outward trappings of ritual and ceremony, and even claimed apostolic succession? Apostolic succession meant nothing if we were not in communion with the Church! Just take the examples of heretics in the early church for examples--they may have had all the Apostolic Succession in the world, but without the organic, quickening, real union with the Church, they were cut off. My realization was that we were not in communion with the Church!! We did not teach or believe that there was One Church. We... no... I was a hypocrite!

So I talked and talked with my brother priests, asking them for advice, counsel, and help regarding this issue. Nothing. No help. They simply shrugged their shoulders. I went to my bishop and asked for help. He simply told me to pray more and focus on my priestly duties and to not study this issue so much. So I tried to follow his advice, but it was soon very apparent that I was wrong, wrong, wrong. How could I continue to be a priest in a church that I knew did not teach and practice what had always been taught and practiced? I was left with only one answer and that was to resign. So on January 11, 2009, I cleared out my office after the Mass, and the following Tuesday I gave my formal resignation to my bishop.